Harry Potter and the Attack of the Fans II
by Rakit Kween Of the Midwest
Summary: Sequel to 'Harry Potter and the Attack of the Fans', long anticipated by its non-exsistant readers! PG-13 for the swearing, gotta be safe.


A/N Ah. no point to this really! i got no reviews for the first one... but i figure why the hell not. Enjoy.

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**Harry Potter and the Attack of the Fans II**

(Open: three teenage girls are sitting in a living room. Two of them are talking, and the other is scowling while her nose is buried in 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.')

DEVA:

(Finishes book for the umpteenth time) God damn. This book really sucks.  
  
CIERRA:  
Then why do you keep on reading it over and over again?  
  
DEVA:  
What a stupid question...  
  
CIERRA:  
Right.  
  
DEVA: So, (puts book down) we've captured Harry, I'm compensating for my pains while reading 'Order of the Phoenix' by locking him in a closet, and we're  
on the run from the police. Any ideas?  
  
AMANDA:  
Yeah I have one.  
  
CIERRA:  
What is it?  
  
AMANDA:  
We can make margaritas.  
  
DEVA:  
Yes. Amanda, my little genius.  
  
(You people make me sick.)  
  
DEVA:  
What the- (spins around in chair) Who the bloody nager was that?  
  
(I'm the invisible, yet strikingly good-looking, narrator)  
  
AMANDA:  
  
(is confused)  
  
DEVA:  
How can you be invisible yet strikingly good looking?  
  
(I just can, alright? Don't ask stupid questions.)  
  
DEVA:  
Someone's a little uptight......  
  
(Uptight?)  
  
DEVA:  
Damn Straight. I couldn't drag a needle out of your ass with a tractor.  
  
(What's that supposed to mean?)  
  
HARRY:  
(Muffled because he's in the closet.) Hello? Anyone there?  
  
(Everyone turns and looks at the closet)  
  
DEVA:  
Ugh he's awake again. Amanda, go hit him with another rock.  
  
(CIERRA Suddenly looks excited)  
  
CIERRA:  
Let's let him out!  
  
DEVA:  
WHAT!?  
  
CIERRA:  
I'm serious! We've had him in the closet for three days.  
  
AMANDA:  
...And we never gave him clothes.  
  
DEVA:  
(Ponders) Okay, okay... so we put him on a leash and give him a t-shirt.  
  
CIERRA:  
What is with you and hating Harry?  
  
DEVA: Cierra, did you not read the 5th book? Harry's a stupid jerk off. I hope  
Voldemort kills him and Hermione and Ron get their own books.  
  
CIERRA:  
That's cruel.  
  
DEVA:  
Yeah, well, he's a scrawny little bitch.  
  
AMANDA:  
Enough! Let's just let him out.  
  
(They all walk to the door.) (DEVA opens it. HARRY is standing there in  
nothing but a big pink ski jacket. He looks tired and hungry.)  
  
AMANDA:  
(Faints)  
  
CIERRA:  
oy.  
  
DEVA:  
(Glares at HARRY) okay so we have you held captive. Now we're gonna let  
you eat and give you some clothes.  
  
(HARRY cries with happiness)  
  
DEVA:  
Cierra, what do we have to eat?  
  
CIERRA:  
I think we have some lucky charms in the pantry.  
  
DEVA: Alright, but pick out all the marshmallows first, cos I want to eat those.  
  
(CIERRA leaves. And Deva, don't you think eating all those marshmallows  
will make you fatter than you already are?)  
  
DEVA:  
Bite me.  
  
HARRY: (Interrupting) I agreed to come with you guys now why are you torturing me?  
  
DEVA:  
Sorry we just thought it would be funnier...  
  
(Funnier but crueler)  
  
DEVA:  
You have no sense of humor, Narrator.  
  
(Bitch.)  
  
DEVA:  
Needle-Butt.  
  
HARRY:  
(Leans over to AMANDA, who has suddenly woken up) Who is she talking to?  
  
AMANDA: It's the strikingly good looking narrator. But we don't know for sure, cos  
we can't see him.  
  
HARRY:  
Right...  
  
DEVA: Hey narrator, do you have a name? Besides humorless uncle fucker, I mean.  
  
(No, I don't.)  
  
(CIERRA returns)  
  
CIERRA:  
So can I name you?  
  
(Well I suppose... you don't seem to be giving off any violent or homicidal  
vibes)  
  
(CIERRA smiles)  
  
CIERRA:  
Kay... so your new name is... Lemmerson.  
  
(Lemmerson?)  
  
DEVA:  
Oh! Like the giant crayon Lili's brother won her in Boston?  
  
(Who's Lili?)  
  
CIERRA:  
Yeah! And then we made that movie at her house in the loft...  
  
(What loft?)  
  
DEVA:  
Will you shut up? We're reminiscing.  
  
(So I'm named after a stuffed crayon.)  
  
HARRY:  
(Quietly) Um, Can I have some clothes now?  
  
AMANDA:  
Ooh! I'll help him get dressed...  
  
HARRY:  
(looks at AMANDA) Weellll... I suppose I could let you come help me...  
  
DEVA:  
WHAT!? (Turns to AMANDA) YOU SLUT! (Smacks AMANDA)  
  
AMANDA:  
Hey! What was that for!?  
  
DEVA:  
I was supposed to get Harry!  
  
AMANDA:  
But you don't even like Harry!  
  
DEVA: (Still sobbing) But--he's–really–hot! (Stops. Fixes Eyeliner.) Nevermind, you can have him, Amanda. (Grabs Jacket from HARRY and runs out the door.)  
  
HARRY:  
HEY!  
  
AMANDA:  
Oh. My. God. (Hyperventilates)  
  
CIERRA:  
Wow... well we've learned something new today.  
  
AMANDA:  
Whats that?  
  
CIERRA  
That Deva's stupidity has a purpose.  
  
AMANDA:  
Amen.  
  
CIERRA:  
But, Uh, where is she going?  
  
(Nobody knows....)  
  
CIERRA:  
I'm sure she knows....  
  
( Nobody else knows! ...Well, actually, being the narrator and all, I know  
the entire plot line...)  
  
DEVA IN REAL LIFE:  
(Sitting at computer) Hey! How can you know the plot line!? Even I don't know the plot line... and a note to Cierra... hurry up and think of an insult  
before the narrator gives me an ulcer.  
  
CIERRA: Oh... umm... okay I got one... Hey bub! If you were tangible I would kick you  
little cat puke green ass...ha! That was a good one!  
  
(Wait, cat puke green? Is that a color?)  
  
CIERRA:  
Yup, that's the color that the ORIGINAL Lemmerson was...  
  
(Oh. Okay. Well anyways, as I was about to say, Deva went to go get the guy  
she's really been admiring from a distance...)  
  
ALL:  
RON!


End file.
